No matter what age or how early in pregnancy, losing a child is the most dreadful, excruciating event that a mother can go through. I have come realize after losing my own child to miscarriage, that a first trimester loss comes with its own unique pain. I lost my baby at 8 weeks when only a few select loved ones knew I was pregnant. In terms of the world, this beautiful child could easily be forgotten. After all, one but myself felt his existence. This post serves to help you find ways to remember your miscarried child, as my husband and I do. The little ones that we as mothers lose are wanted, loved, and dearly missed.
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Naming your Child
When we found out at 6 weeks that our child wouldn’t make it to viability, I knew that this child needed a name. I saw him; he was real, he existed, and he deserved a name. Our other four children have family names and great saint names as well. This baby would be no different– his name is Francis (Frankie) Marian Michael. Remembering and memorializing your miscarried child may prove easier if he/she has name.
Entrusting your child to the Blessed Virgin Mary
Every child that has been given to me through Christ has been entrusted to the care of our Blessed Mother at baptism. Unfortunately, Frankie was unable to be baptized, but I still entrust his soul to Mary. I know that if any woman/mother would understand my pain and grief, it would be Mary. She stood by Christ at the foot of the cross as he died. She was helpless and that is how I felt in my own son’s death. Mother Mary would not forget me in my mourning and so I entrust my child to her care.
A Physical Memorial For Remembering Your Miscarried Child
I realize that some families that lose a child to miscarriage are able to bury their child’s remains, I was not able to. I did, however, still want a physical memorial. We are so fortunate to have this beautiful statue of Mary in our backyard at the top of hill overlooking the house, so I made a very simple memorial rock to keep next to our Lady. Every time I look to her for strength and guidance, I remember my little Frankie is with her. When the kids and I are playing in the backyard, sometimes we will make a little pilgrimage up the hill to our Lady, and say a few prayers to our little Frankie. These are the steps to make your own super simple memorial rock and the supplies I used:
Celebrating our Child’s Feast Day
One of the best ways I incorporate remembering my child is by celebrating their feast day with my family. We just celebrated our little man’s feast day a few days ago. For those of you who do not know what a feast day is, it is a day that we commemorate and remember a certain saint.
My Frankie never had a birth day or even a definitive day of death. I found out I was pregnant 16 days before I was told he wouldn’t make it to viability. I had 16 days of excitement and hope, followed by 21 days of bleeding and mourning. We named him firstly after family and secondly after the great St. Francis of Assisi, a champion for the poor and founder of two great religious orders (the Franciscans and the Poor Claires).
Because my child does not have a day of remembrance or celebration, my husband and I have decided to honor his life and remember his beautiful soul on the feast of his patron saint. We want to keep it simple. Our little Frankie came into existence in silence and left the world in the same fashion.
We celebrated his feast day by making a small treat (cupcakes), lighting a candle of remembrance, and praying the Rosary as a family. We read a story about St. Francis and we told the story of our little one that we loved and wanted, but God wanted more. It was simple, but everything we wanted it to be.
I hope these help to give you ideas on how to remember your miscarried child. If you’re reading this, most likely you have lost a child and I want you to know that you aren’t alone You are in my prayers. If you have more ways that you remember your child, please leave a comment and let me know.