Pregnancy after a miscarriage can be a really confusing time. On the one hand, you’re looking forward to this new little life within you, on the other hand you’re terrified to lose it like the last one. On the third hand you are still mourning your previous loss (because you always will) and on the fourth hand…
See, confusing…
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The Emotional Part
The hormones are partially to blame, the stigma and the mom-guilt are also contributors.
I just want to say that it is totally normal to feel any, all, or none of the feelings described above and even all at once. It’s okay to feel like an emotional octopus with more feelings and emotions than arms.
Allowing yourself to have those feelings, to accept that they exist, and to realize that you aren’t a terrible person for being sad or angry that you’re pregnant after losing a baby to miscarriage. You also aren’t a terrible person for being happy that you’re pregnant after losing a baby to miscarriage either. Or maybe you’re happy, sad, and angry all at the same time.
I got pregnant 4 months after my loss. We wanted to get pregnant sooner, but through Divine Providence it took a few months. I had a void I felt needed to be filled. I didn’t want to replace my little Frankie (that’s the name we gave him), but I did want to replace the emptiness I felt.
The Anxiety Part
Pregnancy after miscarriage can come with major anxiety too. If you had a symptomatic miscarriage, every time one of those symptoms (i.e. bleeding, cramping, loss of nausea, pelvic pain etc.) came about again you may instantly believe it’s happening again even though those symptoms can be totally normal.
I had an unfortunately traumatic experience with my OB office employees being very insensitive to my miscarriage (the day I had it confirmed). I became so distressed that I yelled at the receptionist, “I don’t need to make my next appointment because my baby is dead!” and ran out of the office. It was so bad that when I became pregnant afterward I was desperately anxious to go into the office again.
Although anxiety is normal, it can lead to poor outcomes in pregnancy. I don’t want this article to cause anxiety by going through a list of adverse effects anxiety can have on pregnancy, but if you are interested in knowing this list to be better informed, I have linked a medical journal within the NIH public library here.
If you find yourself struggling with anxiety it is important to find coping mechanisms that help. Some of the coping mechanisms that I have used are:
- prayer
- exercise
- getting outside
- getting more sleep
- taking a warm bath
- doing a puzzle
- playing a sport
- dietary changes
- talking with a friend or family member
- going for a walk
- square breathing (this technique is especially helpful for me) Here is link to learn more about it.
Other things to try if those don’t help could be mindfulness, relaxation techniques, correct breathing techniques, medications, and support groups.
If your anxiety is extreme or debilitating please seek medical attention and let your OB know.
I became very anxious and struggled a lot in the second trimester, but I found it so helpful to open up and talk with my OB provider. She listened and reassured me that my feelings were 100% valid and perfectly normal.
The Physical Part
Some women will have perfectly healthy pregnancies after miscarriage, but know we aren’t all that lucky. My body took a real health hit after my miscarriage. I became more focused on filling the void than healthy. As a result, my pregnancy was both emotionally and physically the hardest of all five of my full-term pregnancies.
Prayers That Helped Me In My Pregnancy After Miscarriage
For Protection of the Child
I put my little babe under your protection, Mary, my mother. Make its tiny mind grow up to love the truths of faith; consecrate its will to the service of God; fill its heart with love for its Creator. Fashion its little body in all perfection: let its organs be sound, its senses acute, all its members strong and healthy. You can obtain this favor for me and my child, most powerful Mother. I put my trust in you. Amen.
-Mother’s Manual, pg. 29
Prayer of Petition
Dearest Mother Mary, grant me your help and protection. You understand my trials as an expectant mother. For nine months you bore Jesus in your virginal womb. You know the doubts and anxieties that beset me: you know the bodily suffering I endure. Like you, may I turn all these sorrows into joy. You overcame anxiety by a loving trust in God; you overcame doubt by gentle resignation to His will. Your motherhood lifted your mind above earth and kept it close to God. Appeal to your Infant Son for me, my most beloved Mother. Teach me to bear the trials of motherhood with joy. Amen.
-Mother’s Manual, pg. 30
To Her Infant in Heaven
My darling [mention the child’s name] now in joy before the throne of God, and in your spotless innocence, which He loves, you can speak to Him with a voice that He will surely heed. You are still my little baby and will surely regard the prayers of your mother, who bore you. I address then my petitions to you. Intercede for me and obtain the favor that here ask as a mother from her child who stands before the throne of God [here mention petition]. But if what I here ask is not for the glory of God and the good of souls, do you obtain then what is most conducive to both. Amen.
-Mother’s Manual, pg. 53
For a Growing Infant
Tender Mother of the Infant Christ, my child is gaining every week. Thank you. Nourish it always. Ask God to give this little one strong limbs and a healthy body. Keep your Mother’s eye on it asleep and awake, so that my child, as yours, may grow in wisdom and age and grace with God and men. Amen.
-Mother’s Manual, pg. 77
Prayer for a Happy Delivery
Holy May, Mother of God, who parted with the blessed fruit of thy womb without the least pain, I beg of you, by that awful suffering on Calvary through which you merited to become Mother of all the faithful, to come to my aid. I ask not a painless delivery, for I deem it worth any travail if only I can give body to a soul which shall be stamped with the image of God. I ask rather for a successful delivery, and the grace to be a good and holy mother as long as I live. Amen.
-Mother’s Manual, pg. 78
I prayed these prayers almost every day in my last pregnancy and they brought me great consolation and peace of mind. If you would like the book that they come from you can find here.
I hope this post is helpful to you. Please leave a comment below if you have anything you would add. I would love to hear from you.